Thursday 9 February 2012

In the Summer time....


So it was the really hot summer of 1976, I couldn't believe my luck, I was now living in Devon, and the beach was 1 mile from my house, agreed is was up a ridiculous hill, I mean as a then 11 year old, it seemed ages to walk up the hill, then to walk all the way down the other side, but oh my god, what a place to end up in. It was called Mansands beach and it was sandy and no one went there, because of the bloody hill. So when we did go, me my sister and the dogs, we had 2, then it was just magical, peaceful and so freeing if I knew that that time of such innocence would be shattered by what was to come, I truly think I would have decided to die then, hindsight is a thing that eats away at the soul though, if's and buts, are always of course too late. I'm know that I still wonder if I had known what I know now, what I would have done differently, the reality is ultimately, when my life started to go up shit creak without paddle, rudder, compass and any sign of hope, all the people that were in control, were abusers and that's what you end up living with, and through and spending your life trying to fathom, why me, what for and naturally, aren't you supposed to be caring for me, us, my little sister and I, I mean we had decided to move here for a better life, not this.
So this is it, my father was a true fucking nutcase, control freak, violent, foulmouthed, deviant, arsehole. Seriously, if I had known any of that then of course the wanker, drunk my mother and teamed up with, would have been my first choice, but as I said hindsight, truly is so way too late.

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